Sex life is often a taboo subject. Many couples suffer in silence due to gynaecological problems, sexual dysfunctions, or face some psychological problems related to sexual activity. Dr. Camelia Mihalca explains the medical conditions and problems that disrupt the intimate life of women.

If you are facing a gynaecological or sexual health problem as a couple, do not hesitate to request an appointment for an online consultation to receive expert guidance and help.

Women and men have many of the same needs, including physical and emotional connection. The way they express these needs differs from one sex to another. “Women and men each come to the relationship with their own "baggage" and are therefore sometimes not able to express their needs as they should and cannot connect as well to the needs of the other. This can be one of the reasons that disrupts the couple's relationship and their sexual activity," explains Dr. Camelia Mihalca, from Digital Clinics.

The "baggage" that doctor Mihalca talks about refers primarily to biological issues, related to the embryo-genetic development that, at a given moment, makes the difference between the sexes.

"In men the predominance is testosterone, a hormone of masculinity that imprints a greater sexual desire and more pronounced sexual behaviour. In women, the oestrogen has a series of fluctuations during menstruation, pregnancy, menopause or perimenopause. Consequently, the woman has a different sexual behaviour", explains Dr. Mihalca.

Reasons why women refuse an intimate act

Hormonal fluctuations

Hormonal fluctuations can influence and determine the avoidance of sexual intercourse. After ovulation, progesterone is predominant, which can lead to a decrease in libido, and before ovulation, oestrogen predominates and reaches a maximum level at ovulation, causing an increase in libido. It doesn't mean that hormones are always responsible for a rejection, but hormones are factors worth considering.

Lack of emotional connection

On the other hand, the woman may refuse sexual contact because she has not connected emotionally with that man - hence the "not tonight because I have a headache" refusals. It is a stereotypical response that actually has an emotional motivation behind it. The woman does not feel seen, heard, understood in that relationship. "I would say it is the main source of refusal in most cases. Often that relationship has some hiccups or maybe the partner is in too much of a hurry. Intimate contact begins long before actual physical contact. The attitude, the fact that the two have spent some quality time together before, the understanding, the affection shown, these all matter and are part of foreplay. Prelude for a woman is very important in the economy of an intimate act", says doctor Camelia Mihalca.

Frigidity

Frigidity arises from emotional causes - dramatic sexual experiences in the past (rape, sexual abuse in childhood, sexual assault in general), emotional distance from the sexual partner, communication problems in the couple, unresolved emotional problems, quarrels, etc.

Frigidity can also be caused by physical issues. These include: reduced male sexual performance, vaginal dryness, discomfort or pain during intercourse, inadequate foreplay, insomnia, fatigue or exhaustion, nerve damage or atrophy due to trauma or surgery, hormonal imbalances etc.

Pain or discomfort during intercourse

Pain or discomfort during sexual intercourse occurs for several reasons. Some are physical - genital infections, injuries or irritations in the genital area, hormonal problems or menopause which can include vaginal dryness. Others are psychological - stress, anxiety, fear of intimacy, previous sexual trauma - or medical - sexually transmitted diseases, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, uterine prolapse, vaginismus.

Symptoms

Frigidity means the absence of sexual desire and the inability to achieve an orgasm, which in medical terms is called libido. Frigidity is one of the conditions that harms the life of a couple the most, endangering the continuation of a relationship, the continuation of the couple's existence.

Dyspareunia, on the other hand, is manifested by pain or discomfort during sexual intercourse. It can be felt in the genital or pelvic area by both women and men. The pain can occur before, during or after intercourse.

Basically frigidity and dyspareunia have a lot in common and somehow potentiate each other.

Treatment

In any of the two cases and, in general, when there is a frequent refusal of physical contact as a couple, the recommendation of the specialists is a consultation with the gynaecologist to identify the  responsible factors that can cause the onset of pain - infections, hormonal imbalances or other problems that occur during a woman's life. Where the emotional factor is the one that determines the refusal of an intimate act in a couple, a visit to a sexologist psychologist, specialist in couple relations is absolutely necessary, if said couple wants to remain a couple.

Prevention

Naturally, prevention is the best solution every time an issue appears, including sexual problems. Gynaecologist Camelia Mihalca has four recommendations in this regard:

"1. Every day we have to work with ourselves to be able to understand ourselves and to be able to understand the one next to us. Let's somehow become a better version of ourselves, day by day.

2. Women should make regular visits to the gynaecologist, who can detect certain conditions in time and thus help for a normal couple life. Men should also have a talk with a doctor if they are experiencing problems in their sex life.

3. Sex education is very important, therefore it should be started early, at school or should be done by parents

4. To these I would add a healthy and correct diet, sun exposure within the permitted limits and sleep of at least eight hours."